Witty Comebacks

My beautiful cousin is pregnant and she and I were texting back and forth laughing at ourselves about the joys of being pregnant.  We got to talking about some of the rude things people say to pregnant women (and not so pregnant women) and I told her I had written down a few comebacks as well as googled some when I was pregnant and would send them to her to use.  It got me thinking that maybe some of you may get a kick out of it or find it useful as well.
I had a baby 20 months ago.  A BIG baby.  A 10 pound 8 ounce baby girl who my midwife referred to as a toddler when she was born. 

A baby that never got to wear any of her newborn clothing, only wore size newborn diapers for about a week, and came out suckling looking for food.  Well you can imagine that come 9 months along I was BIG.   Around month 6 I started getting asked if I was having twins to the point of some would argue with me and insist that I get a 2nd opinion.  Nice right?! 

I do understand that most those questions or comments isn't out of spite or meaness no matter how rude it comes off. I did try to embrace my belly, enjoy being HUGE as much as one can and knew that I was the perfect house for my monkey to grow in.


But let's be honest, hormones, Texas heat, back pain, and cankles are enough to do a number on your mind, now you want to add in know it all strangers and I'm suppose to smile and keep moving? Maybe 9 times out of 10 but for that one time where you just need to let it out, here you go, my comeback list.

Disclaimer (This is all for humor and being light hearted, I do and did realize that it all really meant that I was carrying a very healthy baby to a healthy term so please know this is for fun)

So When I smiled and nodded, what I meant To Say Was:

Random Person:   "You're only seven months pregnant? You look farther along than that.
Your Responses: "What? I'm not even pregnant."
"Yeah, funny you mention that...I am actually 13 months pregnant. I have no idea what's going on..."

Random Person: "You sure it's not Twins?"
Your Responses: "Twins, not sure I guess it could be, but the real question is whose?"
"Yes, I'm having twins, it's going to be so expensive, can you buy us lunch?"

Random Person: "Wow You're Huge!"
Your Response: "OMG, really?! I had no idea."
"To tell you the truth, it's mostly beer weight." *fake belch*

Random Person: "Haven't You Had That Baby Yet?"
Your Responses: "What Baby?!"
"I actually changed my mind. I decided to wait a few more years before having kids. Now just isn't a good time for me."

So have you ever had to use a witty comeback during pregnancy?  What was it?
Oh and don't worry I have a list for comebacks for those of us who are no longer pregnant but keep getting asked when we're due so stay tuned for more witty comebacks. 

Happy Hump Day.