Witty Comebacks

My beautiful cousin is pregnant and she and I were texting back and forth laughing at ourselves about the joys of being pregnant.  We got to talking about some of the rude things people say to pregnant women (and not so pregnant women) and I told her I had written down a few comebacks as well as googled some when I was pregnant and would send them to her to use.  It got me thinking that maybe some of you may get a kick out of it or find it useful as well.
I had a baby 20 months ago.  A BIG baby.  A 10 pound 8 ounce baby girl who my midwife referred to as a toddler when she was born. 

A baby that never got to wear any of her newborn clothing, only wore size newborn diapers for about a week, and came out suckling looking for food.  Well you can imagine that come 9 months along I was BIG.   Around month 6 I started getting asked if I was having twins to the point of some would argue with me and insist that I get a 2nd opinion.  Nice right?! 

I do understand that most those questions or comments isn't out of spite or meaness no matter how rude it comes off. I did try to embrace my belly, enjoy being HUGE as much as one can and knew that I was the perfect house for my monkey to grow in.


But let's be honest, hormones, Texas heat, back pain, and cankles are enough to do a number on your mind, now you want to add in know it all strangers and I'm suppose to smile and keep moving? Maybe 9 times out of 10 but for that one time where you just need to let it out, here you go, my comeback list.

Disclaimer (This is all for humor and being light hearted, I do and did realize that it all really meant that I was carrying a very healthy baby to a healthy term so please know this is for fun)

So When I smiled and nodded, what I meant To Say Was:

Random Person:   "You're only seven months pregnant? You look farther along than that.
Your Responses: "What? I'm not even pregnant."
"Yeah, funny you mention that...I am actually 13 months pregnant. I have no idea what's going on..."

Random Person: "You sure it's not Twins?"
Your Responses: "Twins, not sure I guess it could be, but the real question is whose?"
"Yes, I'm having twins, it's going to be so expensive, can you buy us lunch?"

Random Person: "Wow You're Huge!"
Your Response: "OMG, really?! I had no idea."
"To tell you the truth, it's mostly beer weight." *fake belch*

Random Person: "Haven't You Had That Baby Yet?"
Your Responses: "What Baby?!"
"I actually changed my mind. I decided to wait a few more years before having kids. Now just isn't a good time for me."

So have you ever had to use a witty comeback during pregnancy?  What was it?
Oh and don't worry I have a list for comebacks for those of us who are no longer pregnant but keep getting asked when we're due so stay tuned for more witty comebacks. 

Happy Hump Day.

Post It Notes Tuesday

It's Post It Note Tuesdsay, a new blog carnival I thought sounded fun and wanted to link up to, click on the picture to find out more and when you are having one of those days and not knowing what to blog about they make for a fun post. 

See that nook cut out of a wall behind the TV? Yep doesn't fit in there, how lovely! Oh and don't you love my Monkey's ragamuffin one leg up one leg down look.  She's so gangster!

Easy Vs Hard

I have been thinking a lot lately about how many preconcieved ideas I had about how it would be to become a mom. You know, I was one of those pregnant women that thought she knew everything, had it figured out already, and just smiled and nodded at unsolicted advice from know it alls. Ha man was my head screwed on wrong. Things I thought would be easy turned out not so easy, and things I knew would be hard turned out to be faily easy. AND that just keeps on proving to be the case nearly 2 years later. OH how I hate admiting when I am wrong or don't know everything I think I know. So I compied a little list, maybe you have a similar list. I also have a list going that I'll post next week of things I've learned along the way from being pregnant to becoming a mom, you know the list, the one where you thought you aleady knew but found out the hard way you needed to learn it. Oh yeah that one! Fun uh!

Easier Than I Thought It Would Be:

• Going on trips and out of town with an infant. She's a good traveler and adjusts well to her surroundings.
• Letting family watch her so Poppa and I can have alone time, date night, or a free weekend. When I saw how much her extended family loves her and respects our "rules" and ways, then we were very much at peace with them keeping her. Plus they love it too.
• Changing diapers
• Getting her dressed up and keeping her clean.
• Co-Sleeping, I was scared I'd roll over her, or hurt her, but knew it was imporant to us to do and not once did we ever come close to rolling on her.
• Keeping myself clean and spit up free, love those burp cloths.
• Taking care of her every need. What if I missed something or she got hurt because of my not paying attention or not knowing? But so far I'd like to think I've been on the money in this category. She has her every need met.
• Falling in love at 1st sight. I was conditioned to believe love was a gradual thing, boy was I wrong. I know for everyone it's different but for me, love at first sight!
• Saving money, still going out, finding good deals. I thought once we had a child, we'd never have money to do anything fun again, and while it's been tight, I've found countless ways to not only do fun things but continue to save money.
• Enjoy being a mom. I was concerned that my need to protect her from harm would overshadow the enjoyment of being a mom. Even though I still protect, every day is nothing but joyful and enjoying.

Harder Than I Thought It Would Be

• Giving Birth. I was determined to have a natural drug free birth. I believe God created a woman's body to do so without the need of drugs (in most cases). I transferred from my OB and hospital to a mid wife in my 30th week. I wanted a home birth but settled for a birthing center. When I was finally 2 weeks late, a natural alternative was given to me to start labor which I did for 3 days, in the most intense pain I've ever been in but I hadn't gone in labor on my own and she hadn't dropped down, I was not dialted past a 2 for 3 days when the decision was made that I would need to go to the hospital. I went from this dream of birthing naturally and drug free to having every drug known to man given to me and not only did I not have a drug free birth but I didn't have a natural birth, I had to have a c-section. She weighed 10.8 pounds. I had a bad case of the blues due to this. I was devestated but we're good now and will try for a drug free natural birth again.
• Breastfeeding. I did not get the support we needed up front to show me how to do it correctly. I gave in and listened to the dr and nurses at the hospital that because of her size she was needing more than what I was giving, she ate every 45 minutes until we gave in and supplemented with formula. I was raw, cracked and bleeding for weeks due to not having a good latch and she wasn't getting much. I pumped and pumped to help but by month 3 she was on formula only. I have a lot of guilt to this day but know what to do differently next time.
• Going back to work. I thought I'd always want to work, that I would need that outlet and time with adults. I was so wrong. I deal with enough guilt on my own but the comments from others of how someone else is raising my child or children in day cares have behavior problems, or if it really was important to me I'd find a way to stay home, do not help.
• Keeping my house clean. I need a maid. Thankfully my husband has really pitched in but I take pride in a clean home and the fact that I did it and I don't have that now. I don't like needing help. I want to be able to work full time, take care of her, cook, clean, exercise, and still feel sexy enough for Popps. HA.
• Losing the weight and exercising. I have no energy to do this and I know if I would just do it then I would have more energy but getting up earlier than 5:00am is not happening and at night when I get home, after cooking, getting her bag ready for the next day, making lunch for all 3 of us for the next day, bath, bow orders, put to bed, all I want to do is go to bed myself.
• Making friends. I thought that having CM would open a door to meet other couples with children that we could do stuff with but most moms don't work and only do play dates during the day and the rest already have set friends and getting into a new group has proven very hard. I miss friends, having them, doing stuff with them, etc.
• The lack of sleep. Monkey didn't sleep throught the night until 13 months and we tried everything and every book. That means we went a whole year of not sleeping a full 6 or more hours unless she was with Grams. And if you don't know me or haven't read THIS POST then you don't know that sleep to me is better than chocolate. That can take it's tole on the body and mind. It was very frustrating and stressful. We knew she was capable of it, just didn't go about making it happen until it was too late to make it easy.

So this is my Easy Vs Hard list, I'm sure I could come up with way more but instead, what's yours?

 It's Friday and that means it's New Friend Friday and Friday Follower  and Follow Me Friday Day so join up over there with the fun and make some new friends.

Door Built for a Princess

Before we had Monkey we got a puppy, a beautiful Pomeranian puppy named General Maximus Decimus Merdius (yes Poppa named him) and he's called Maximus, well actually now he's called Mam Mam since that's what Monkey calls him.  He's not like any other dog I've ever come in contact with.  I swear he thinks he's human and turns his nose up to other dogs and gets disgusted with us when we treat him as such.

He's part of our family but let's face it, he's still a dog and because he's a dog, he's not allowed in the bedrooms so we keep the doors shut.  Well now that Monkey is older and capable of coming in and out of her room as she pleases, keeping her door closed restricts not only Mam Mam but Monkey as well.  So Poppa decided he'd build her a door to her room where she could come and go as she pleases but keep our beloved pup out. 

We went to Home Depot and bought MDF Board and cut it down to our measurements.  (Just measured from door frame end to the other and then meausred how tall we wanted it)  We also bought cabinet door hinges to install the door.

I then primed and painted, which in terms of trial and error I should have done this step before we hung the door but you get to learn from my mistakes. :)  After the paint dried I painted wooden letters that spell her name that I picked up at Hobby Lobby and just hot glued those bad boys right on there. 

Now she is happy to go in her room and play and not be bothered by Mam Mam.

I do believe she's happy with her door.

Some Linky Love

Monday

I Made The World Cuter

Made By You Mondays

Just Something I Whipped Up

Motivate Me Monday

Tuesday

Trash To Treasure

Tip Me Tuesday

DIY Day

Get Your Craft On

Wednesday

Show and Tell

Penny Pinching Party

Craft Therapy

Whatever Goes Wednesday

Sugar and Spice

Idea Sharing Wednesday

Show and Share Day

Thursday

Get Your Craft On

Strut Your Stuff

Bring In The Spring

Transformation Thursday

Friday

Feature Yourself

Thursday's Treasure

Frugal Friday

Favorite Things Friday

Creative Cats

Remodelaholic Anonymous

Saturday

Tator Tots and Jello

Check Me Out Saturdays

Sunday

DIY Showoff

Dream Book #3 Spring/Easter Edition

Well it's Friday and that means it's Friday Follow and New Friend Friday time, and it also means it's once again time for my Dream Book Post.  I have a new "I've Been Featured" Button to the right on my sidebar so if your project is featured in my Dream Book Posts feel free to grab the button.  I found so many DIY projects this week and today's post is just chalk full of awesomeness. 

Speaking of Chalk how cute are theseChalk Board Canisters!!  I love using chalk board paint in projects and this is such a great way to label canisters.

I am so behind on making any decorations for Spring and Easter and since my time is winding down I thought these Decorated Eggs or these Paper Tissue Eggs would add so much with not having to spend a lot of time on them. 

I found these Easter Pops at an online store but they would be so easy to make yourselves, and you could buy the already premade rice krispy treat squares to save time, insert a pop stick, dip in chocolate, and decorate.  I may have to do this for Monkey's school Easter Party next week.

Remember when I showed you the hand print art work from last week here well how perfect would it be to have a Family Foot Stool to go along with it!!  This would also make a wonderful Mother's Day Gift.

I've made Ribbon Topiaries before and I've yet to make a Lollipop Topiary I've seen these made with DumDum suckers too.  This would be so cute as a centerpiece at a Spring or Easter Party.

I am always looking out for ways to lighten up a room or an area of a room especially with Spring upon us and changing out accessories is one way, painting the room is another, even chaning out furniture can do wonders but sometimes I'm not wanting to spend all that time and money.  So how about just adding some light and Springy fabric to a Dark Chest and call it a day!

Want an Easter Egg Tree for a centerpiece but on a tight budget?  Then you need to make one of these.  How thrifty.

And last but not least how many of us have just a plain ole wood knife block?  Wouldn't it be fun to dress it up to this kind of Knife Block?  Wow, must get a Cricut NOW!  I love this, 2 of my favorite things rolled into one project, spray paint and vinyl. 

I am loving the different ways you can decoarte a topiary up.  Like this Jelly Bean Topiary, how fun is that! She also did this adorable Cherry Blossom Spring Pillow.

I am loving this Spring Table Runner.  It's so bright and fun and looks very doable even for me.


Do you have projects or ideas you think I might want for my Dream Book?  Send them my way.  I'd love to add them. 
Happy Friday to all Ya'll.

I'm Guest Blogging @ SomeDay Crafts

Hi Ya'll I'm so freaking excited today because today I'm guest blogging over at SomeDay Crafts which happpens to be one of my all time favorite blogs so when Michelle invited me to do so I nearly crafted my pants.

If you haven't had the chance to visit this awesome place full of crafting inspiration then you must leave me now and go see her, go on I'll wait....................................Squeal, I know right, AWESOME!!!

Today I'm showing you how to make these absolutely adorable Tutu Leggings that many of you have been asking me about. They are so easy and so tutu cute for words. So check it out at SomeDay Crafts and tell Michelle I sent you.

April Fool's Pranks and Fun

Do you realize how fast April is approaching?  That means that April Fool's Day will be here quick and so I want to make sure you all have plenty of time to plan out your pranks and tricks for this year. 

For the kiddies:

How fun would it be to fake them out with some of the Faux Food ideas at Family fun.  Hint, that's not a pie people, that's meat and potatoes. 

Or how about using dye pellets and unscrewing the cap to the faucet and drop one in and watch the colored water flow when they turn on the faucet.

Or how about switching the drawers around on them?

For Coworkers
OMG can you imagine coming into work and finding your cubicle like this?  Thank God I have an office where this would be impossible because I know some of my coworkers would love to do something like this.

Or how about the old mouse in a jello mode trick?  I've actually done this, not with a mouse but with a wallet and keys.

I think taping the phone's receiver button down so that when someone calls and they pick up the phone continues to ring is a good safe prank to do.

For Hubby or Loved Ones
This one may come back to bite you when he gets you back but still a funny one to try.  Put a rubber band around the spayer nosel so that when they turn on the water they get sprayed.  Of course remember that you did this and don't spray yourself by accident.

You Smell Like Chicken: Place a bullion cube in the shower head.  It's subtle enough that they won't notice but everyone else will.

And if you just too much time on your hands and you have an alarming amount of post it notes stashed away then this one is for you.  Awesome!

So go figure out what prank you're going to pull but be ready for the retalliation.  Have fun and would love to hear what you do.

Me? I'm going to tell Poppa that I've got an awesome prank planned for him, torture him all day with how awesome it is but the joke is I won't be doing anything to him except watching him squirm trying to figure it out.

Most of these ideas came from Martha Stewart website or Family Fun or just google.

Thursday's Tutuorial - Ribbon Toggle Headbands

Ever have a bad hair day and need something cute to make it not look so bad?  Have a child or teenager that likes to wear headbands but those plastic ends hurt their ears?  Want to learn how to make something yourself?  Well if you're tired of me asking questions but your answers were yes then you're in for a treat.  I'm going to show you how to make toggle headbands.  I make and sell these in my store and at shows and I make them for gifts for friends and family.  They are so easy, fun, and add that glam to any outfit or bad hair day.  I've seen tutorials on these where folks are charging and well I can't wrap my mind around that so I want to offer how to for free. 

My co worker so graciously accepted my begging of her to model this for me, isn't she cute.

And here's a very adorable Texas Monkey customer modeling her's.  Ok she's my too cute for words niece but still a satisfied monkey.

First we need to gather supplies, you will need:
7/8 size ribbon in pattern and color of choice
Measuring Tape
Scissors
Lighter or Wood Burning Tool
2 Hole Bean Toggles ( I purchase mine from Here)

Step 1 Cut your ribbon, I usually cut 28 inches for girls and 30 for adults but sometimes little girls like to have extra long tails that they can tie in a bow when they wear their hair up so I cut about 33 inches for those.

Step 2 Take your ribbon end and roll it to a point like the picture below.

Step 3 Thread the rolled end through one of the toggle holes.

Repeat for the other end and thread through the 2nd hole and it should look like this.

Step 4 Cut your ends to an angle and heat seal your ends with burning method of choice, I use a lighter, but a wood burning tool is awesome too.

You have now accessorized you or a loved one now go be mesmorized with how many you can do and match one to every outfit. 

Here they are displayed at one of my shows.

Here's Me wearing one

And my adorable co worker again.

So go and make yourself glamorized with some or if you'd rather order from me just contact me I sell them $3 each or buy 2 get 1 free. 

Note: A little tip, if you have an odd shaped head that doesn't seem to hold headbands well you can simply add some silicone glue, velvet fabric or ribbon, or velcro to the inside of the band where it rests on your head to help it from sliding.  I personally use Hold It by Duck Tape.

Linky Love

Whatever Goes Wednesday
Strut Your Stuff
Transformation Thursday
Get Your Craft On
Ideas Under $100
Remodelaholic's Anonymous
Creative Cats
Favorite Things Friday