Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Dear So and So

It's time for our weekly therapy session with Dear So and So.  I don't know about you but as much as I LOVE having a long weekend it really seems to throw my week off.  I'm extra tired this week, cranky, behind in my work, and bloated!  So I'm in dire need of this therapy session.

Dear Country Boys from Texas floating the River this past weekend:
I am fully aware of how Texans are partial to their beer and when it gets down to the last few, tend to guard them with their life and when you throw Country Texans in the mix well that scenario can get entertaining heated fast!  So as much as I was enjoying relaxing and chilling with Poppa on the river soaking up some sun and letting our cares and woes float down ahead of us, I must admit that I was equally entertained by your show that you put on for all of us.  It was funny watching Cowboy #1 take Cowboy #2's last beer but it was down right hilarious listening to your fight.  I love how you both kept laying there looking like you were relaxed in your inner tube but the words coming out of your mouth clearly said otherwise.  I gathered you were too drunk to get up and do anything about it but not too drunk to say something about it.  I swear if I hadn't known that it was a beer that this fight was happening over I would of thought you were fighting over stolen money which according to Cowboy #2 was the same thing, or I would of thought you were fighting over a girl which Cowboy #1 brought up.  I think you both made all of Texas proud by fighting and standing up for your beer and your right to drink your beer.  I feel like this could have been one of those Real Man of Genius commercials!  Thanks for the laugh boys!

Dear young lady that wished America a happy 2010th birthday for July 4th:
WOW!!  That's about all I have to say.  I don't know whether to feel sorry for you, embarrassed for you, or just frustrated, but hearing things like this along with watching young clerks at stores not be able to count back change is just so sad!  I have lots of thoughts on this but I'll refrain, this is after all a PG-13 blog. :)

Dear Older Overweight Woman at the mall:
I think embracing your size, height, body, is wonderful and wished more people could and would do it.  I love how bigger women can look just as sexy and confident as smaller women.  BUT what I don't find sexy, confident, or attractive is when you are about 200 pounds overweight probably in your mid 40's and wearing a tube top and mini skirt to a public place like the mall.  Normally I'd like to tell women, embrace what you have and work it girl but there comes a point in life that working it just isn't working!  I think adding the fact that I can't really even call the mini skirt a skirt at all as I could see your bum cheeks and when you bent over we could all see your Who-Ha.  So not pretty or cute on any size woman!  But you really loss me at the tube top barely covering the girls let alone the stomach area.  I understand you are trying to make a statement that you are proud and confident but I hate to tell you that's not the statement you are making.  I would think that the smaller children crying and running from you and the older children pointing at you would have been a clear message but no, you clearly do not see what we see as you walked into Hot Topic and proceeded to purchase more revealing and too tight clothing!  I'm all for dressing up to feel and look sexy but this girlfriend ain't it!

Dear Poppa
I'm so very proud of you!  You've worked so hard on your summer class, working long hours studying so that you can graduate earlier.  You are setting such a great example for Monkey and I love you for that!  I know we are both so happy that tonight is the end of this horrible hard class and look forward to the few days of rest until your next one begins next week!  Maybe I'll do some laundry or something to thank you. Oh who am I kidding we both know that pile will get bigger until we both have no socks or underwear at which point I'll run to Walmart and buy us some new ones. :)  Instead I'll make you a cake.

Dear Laundry: 
Seriously can you not throw yourself in the wash, change yourself over, fold and put yourself away?  I mean you sure can grow to enormous heights all on your own and in record time, you'd think you could do a little bit more to contribute to the household.  Really getting tired of looking at you.  Good thing the housekeeper comes tomorrow or you'd be in big trouble mister!

Dear Readers:
You Rock, Now tell me what are your Dear So and So's?

Happy Hump Day Ya'll
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