Thursday, October 21, 2010

Dear So and So

Been A While since I've written a Dear So and So post.  I should not go so long without these, I end up actually saying what I should not have said outloud.  Oh well right!  This one is a little long this week.

Dear Vegas:
Although you basically rock and had me at blinking lights and dinging bells from slot machines I must vent to you a little bit.  No Diet Dr Pepper?!  Really?!  Perhaps you haven't had the pleasure of having this crack amazing goodness touch your lips but let me tell you it's the most wonderful thing in the world.   Ok maybe I'm being dramatic but seriously I had a headache the whole time I was there from lack of my precious aka DDP.  Oh sure the headache is probably DDP's fault and the crap stuff they put in it to get you hooked but the least you could do is support me in my habit.  Obviously you're all about supporting every other bad habit, I mean really, smoking, prostituting, gambling is ok but I can't get one taste of goodness on my lips? 
Please consider working on this before I come back.  Thanks. Missing You!

Dear Self:
Obviously you have a problem, please seek help and quit the DDP already!

Dear Lovers of Jersey Shore:
I'll admit I don't get it, I don't care to get it either.  Not that I think I'm better or above that but I guess we just roll a little differently here in Texas.  But really.... a book?!  The Situation is writing a book?  Well having a ghostwriter do it for him but a self help book at that?  And I'm sure it will be on the best seller list although I can't figure out why.  I can just image the conversation that took place.
Gotham Books: Hey Situation, we want you to sign a book deal with us.
Situation:  What's a book?
Gotham Books:  Oh that's not really important but basically it's pages or paper if you will that has written words of your life that others can read.
Situation:  Oh yeah, I never bought one of them, well not on purpose anyway, I did have to buy a library book in school once cause I slapped this grenade in the face trying to slap the ugly out of her and it broke the book so I had to pay for it.  Hell yeah man where do I sign and how much money will I get? 
Gotham Books:  Let's just fist pump to seal the deal.
Situation:  This is a great situation for the Situation, I'm always looking for situations that can bring The Situation to the people!
Me:  Gagging!

Dear Dude on the airplane:
Clearly you do not carry the gift that allows you to be observant or to be able to read others.  So I guess it's not your fault.  And maybe it's my fault for saying hi when I sat down, clearly my mistake, lesson learned, won't do that again but that was not an open door for you to talk my ear off the entire 2 1/2 hour plane ride home.  I even put my ear buds in and leaned my seat back and closed my eyes and you still continued to talk.  People on the plane think I had a bad case of stomach issues as I sat in the bathroom for near 20 minutes just to escape you.  I for one do not care that you think the Godfather series is overrated and Titanic rocks, or that you once taped your thumbs to your hands to see what it would be like to be a dinosaur, or that your favorite gambling partner is your 80 year old grandma, or that some girl named Melissa that was in your wedding looks just like me, NO, no matter how many times you swear up and down I AM NOT MELISSA! Not shut it before I kick you in the nuts!
Not Melissa

Dear Self:
So apparently you have no idea what size bra you wear.  Please for the love of God and for the girls stop buying bras based on how cheap you are and go get fitted and spend some money on one that will actually support the girls.  They are really starting to get fed up with your laziness and cheap ways. 
Just saying, go get fitted!

Dear Poppa:
Next time I ask you what groceries and meals you want stocked up while I am gone and you give me a list and I take the time to go buy them for you and premake things, and label and organize it for you, will you just tell me "Hey, you're gone, the kid is gone, therefore I'm a bachelor so I'll just order pizza and Chinese and be good!"  I don't care what you eat just don't have me do work to take care of it and then it go to waste. 

Dear Rangers:
I BE-LEE-VE!   You make your fans so proud and we are all acting a little nutty as we've never had this taste of playoffs before.  No matter what we are true to the red white and blue but please oh please give us this sweet victory and championship! 
Cowboys suck so I need to hold on to something, Me!

Dear Cowboys
You suck, for the love of all things holy get your stuff together and play like professionals and not a pee wee league team, and quit it already with the penalties!

Dear Wanna Be Bow Lady:
I remember you vividly from last year's show.  You came into my booth and tried to pick apart my bows to figure out how to make them.  Listen, it's not hard to figure it out, there are so many tutorials and tips out on the web but must you be so rude about it?  I overheard you tell your friend you're just going to buy one to take home and take a part and see how it's done.  Well I should have refused to sell to you but I like the challenge.  Now fast forward to this year's show and you are now posting on all my local forums about being the new bow lady in town, have a booth in the same show, and contacting my customers personally to get them to leave me.  I really hate to break it to you but everyone of my customers you've approached has come back to tell me and they are laughing in your face about how "pathetic" your bows are, their words not mine.  So of course I had to see for myself.  Look I know what it's like to be starting out new, trying to get your name out there, looking for support and customers, but the way you're going about it sucks!  I would have happily networked with you and helped you out the way someone helped me but not now.  You are making a really bad name for yourself and you haven't even started yet.  Shame Shame.

Her Bow

My Bow

Thank you so much for the humbling shout out and feature on your blog about little ole me.  It made my day as I'm such a loyal reader of yours!  It such a fun thing this blogging world, where we can reach one another, inspire, learn from, encourage, and just laugh together.  So many of you do that for me! 
Love ya'll!

Dear Readers:
As usual ya'll rock, thank you for coming back each day.  Do you have something you want to say to the world but didn't get a chance to say it?  Join my therapy session and tell us all!

Happy Thursday Ya'll.

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